it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
