Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
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