please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
