i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
