with your own penis?
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
