You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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