when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
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