the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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