I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
