They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
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