Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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