I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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