dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
