Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
