i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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