so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
BRING THE BAGELS
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
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