God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Randomize
