I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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