he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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