Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
