no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
