Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
