so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
