i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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