Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Randomize
