In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
