i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Randomize
