Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
