I want to stick my p in your. b.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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