Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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