I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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