Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
