Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
