Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize
