the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
Randomize
