I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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