He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize
