i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
my shit smells like andre
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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