No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Sext me about skeletons
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
