She is in my trunk
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Randomize
