imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
