My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Randomize
