i jhust puked up my retainher.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
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