I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
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