He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
