It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
