recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
me + whiskey = a bad person
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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