Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
