I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
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