So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
