I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
